Steamed Hams

the original

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I made it- despite your directions.

Seymour: Ah. Superintendent Chalmers. Welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Chalmers: *grumbles* yeah.

Seymour: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined. But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Delightfully devilish, Seymour.

Chalmers: Ah-

Chorus: Skinner with his crazy explanations, the superintendent's gonna need his medication, when he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations there'll be trouble in town tonight!

Chalmers: SEYMOUR!!!!

Seymour: Superintendent, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?

Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?

Seymour: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams. Whew.

Seymour: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.

Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Seymour: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Seymour: Yes, it's a regional dialect.

Chalmers: Uh-huh. Uh, what region?

Seymour: Uh, upstate New York.

Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

Seymour: Oh, not in Utica. No. It's an Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Seymour: Oh, no. Patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.

Chalmers: For steamed hams.

Seymour: Yes, yes.

Chalmers: And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- - Excuse me for one second.